this makes sense

True Love Doesn’t Fade: It Grows Stronger

Posted in Uncategorized by thismakessense on April 20, 2009

romeo_and_juliet_brown

This is my thought for the day I suppose. 

I was thinking about a few young women I know who have given up on love. Truly falling in love, to them, has become mythical.

Each of them has suffered through multiple unsuccessful relationships, each damaging parts of their hearts that can never be restored. They go from one relationship to the next, thinking that they are just unlocking the keys and learning about love and success from the failures. But what they don’t realize is that with each casual encounter, each feeling they act on they are giving something to each man that they can not reclaim. Each time they leave less of themselves to be discovered by the next guy. The next guy who they think, just maybe, could be the love of their lives, the one who sweeps them off their feet, the one they will one day call their husband.  The saddest part is they choose to see it like they are gaining all this knowledge that will help them the next time, when in reality they are losing a positive view of love. They quickly become more cynical with each encounter and  lose the very innocence that allows one to fall in love. 

Now mid-twenties they have watched at least some of their friends find love and marry off. They are incredibly lonely, longing for the search to be over, to be cherished, loved and desired. Wishing they could reignite that fairy tale dream and prince charming would romantically swoop in and rescue them from their loneliness. But part of the problem is that the few prince charmings that existed have already found their princesses. Every man left out in the world for them is carrying around just as much baggage and is just as damaged and jaded as they are. They more men and women continue to use each other for sex, temporary company and getting into relationships that were not right from the start, the more they will not be able to be fulfilled by the next. The next which could be the one they marry and have children with. The result: high divorce rates, unhappy, lonely, unsatisfied people.

These relationships are toxic. Even for the length they may survive, they will not thrive. I don’t believe they will actually be able to find someone who they can connect with and share the uninhibited firery passion that does not fizze or fade but grows stronger for the rest of their lives. To them this does not exist. They have been burned and hurt too many times. Each time a woman lends her heart out to a man and it gets broken, she will grow increasingly inhibited to protect herself from getting hurt again.

For this reason, which most will not understand, I believe that true love can only be your first love. You can’t give all of your heart out multiple times. You can not learn to trust someone with your heart unless you have never given it out before. You can have your first kiss over again, you can regain your virginity, you can’t take back the first time you said “I love you,” these things stay with you and make you who you are. So if you don’t want to be broken and messy, you must carefully chose who you give any piece of yourself to, and what and who you invest yourself in. You must have the highest respect for yourself and that will give you the highest standards for a mate. If you have found no one worthy to be with you, then keep waiting. Love will find you when you are not looking for it, you will not want it but need it. The taste will be sweet and like no other. When you find it you will know. 

Divorce can not exist with true love, because true love is bonding and it does not fade or grow apart over time, it grows stronger.

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